I feel compelled to write a piece here today about the
concept of struggle. We all go through
struggle in some form and in differing levels of intensity. I see it all the time in my clinical practice
in people with physical pain or disability.
I see it in people going through any of life’s many painful events such
as divorce, deaths, or even final exams for that matter. I myself am going through it right now. It does not matter about the subject of the
struggle each of us go through because the core always remains the same. In essence we find ourselves at a place in
life or circumstance where we do not know how to help ourselves out of the
position that we find ourselves. Or
perhaps we do know what we need to do but the steps to get there are just so very
large. It is important therefore to
remember that struggle is simply just a mindset that offers us options. I could go down the road to the left or I
could perhaps choose the road to the right.
Each path will have its own pitfalls and rewards. And for certain each one will have many things
to appreciate and observe along the way. But which one is the right one? Well, unfortunately that is the rub for a person
in struggle. Decisions are rarely ever
easy. So struggle we must. If the subject matter is important enough struggle
is inherent.
I feel that it is all too easy to assign negative emotion to
the concept of struggling. Sadness and
despair are commonly associated with this experience. It is of course one thing to struggle
physically while on a two hour hike up a nearby mountain. But it is another thing altogether to
struggle physically with the pain and disability of getting up to go to the
bathroom which has both physical and emotional implications! A person might struggle over a break-up or
they may struggle with moving on after the death of a loved one. They are all significant in their own way. But what if we can change our thinking to accept
the struggle and appreciate that this is a necessary part of life? For without struggle and the stresses we
endure we might end up weak and without substance. Indeed when we are offered a challenge that
we think we cannot complete we are offered a choice. Give up and refuse the challenge which always
leads to failure. Or take the challenge
head on. Risk failure yet move toward
success, empowerment, happiness, or whatever you are struggling over. Either way we are stronger because of
it. We cannot measure success only by
the act of reaching the top of the mountain.
Or finishing the race. Or making
it to the bathroom by yourself. Those are
all wonderful of course. But by accepting
the reality of the situation, appreciating the incredible odds against you, and
trying your best to achieve your goal, you have done more for yourself than you
might not immediately comprehend. By facing
struggle from a perspective of curiosity, determination and empowerment you are
taking the steps necessary to face your fears with an open heart and by
consequence you become stronger and life quickly has more meaning. So there is always a gift hidden within
struggle. The right answers will show themselves in time. To avoid or submit to struggle
means missing the most precious gift of all.
All too often we tend to forget this and take the easy road only to be
left with a feeling of worthlessness and despair. Or we may feel anger or depression. This of course does little for us in the end
aside from promoting more failures, less self-empowerment and less healing.
As a final thought I also want to impress upon you that
struggle is a very personal experience.
Those of us standing outside may have the need to try and help our loved
ones out of their pain or their struggle.
And of course we should, but the way in which we do this is extremely
important. If we swoop in and try and
take the pain away, or take the burden on ourselves we have done that person a
huge disservice. Your help may have
solved that immediate problem for them but what have you done for them in the
end? Does this mean I wish you to
neglect your fellow person? No, I suggest
that you appreciate their struggle, love that person totally, help lightly and
stand with a supportive presence that they can look to for encouragement or
guidance along their path. We all need
to know that we have the power to pull up our own bootstraps, heal ourselves and
help ourselves thrive. Yes we can seek
the assistance of others along our path, but we cannot allow others to take our
burden for us. I think of this in the
same way as asking for someone in the gym to lift my weights for me. Or completing a marathon while being pushed
in a stroller. Where is the empowerment? How does avoiding struggle make us stronger?
So no matter what you are struggling with currently. And you are struggling with something. I ask you to really look hard at what that
thing really is. What do you really
think about it? What might you be
telling yourself about it that might not be true? What types of stories are you telling yourself
and others that work to cloud or protect you from needing to face the core of
the struggle? I feel that if you really
ask yourself these questions with an open heart the answers will surely
come. You will all of the sudden have a
path laid out for you that was there all along yet you just could not see it. You
will have more choices. You will have
gifted yourself with increased empowerment and control over your life. And you
will quite possibly be able to help yourself out of your struggles and emerge a
totally different person in the end.
